the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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