Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
