You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
