Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
