did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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