Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
