3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i permit you to call me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
