I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
