i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
