maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
