we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We have so much sex to catch up on
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
A bitchslap is in order.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
