Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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