Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize