I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
