His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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