i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
