Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
