The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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