I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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