Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize