The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
