Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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