he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
