Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
