my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
