I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
