We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize