Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
