saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
