Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
