Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
