I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
