I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
