i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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