So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
