your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
