i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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