I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
