So drunk its hurt
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
