God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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