Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
