What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
