So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize