my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
