Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize