Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
