Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
