He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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