So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
