Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
