In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
