I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
