break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
