I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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