You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
