i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
