Pants 0. Shit 1.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
