Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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