so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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