Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
