They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
