girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
