READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
