Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
