Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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