I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
