I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize