Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
