life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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