Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
